An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.The
doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the
eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it
can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live,"
O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character.
He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the
waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said,
"Well son. We Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate
when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I
have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for
the pub and have a few pints." After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling
a little
less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually
approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were
celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and
the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his
impending end.
He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been
diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more
beers.
After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his
confusion. "Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer? You
just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them
sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
A professor dedicated his whole life to research on arachnids and
their behaviour.
Eventually, after many years of patient study, he was ready to
announce his findings to the world.
A special meeting of the world's top experts on arachnids was
arranged, and the meeting was thrown open to the press as well for
the professor felt his findings were so amazing that the whole
world should be informed. When the audience were all seated, the
professor strode
into the room, ready to reveal the result of his research. The
professor placed a spider on a table in front of him and commanded
the spider to walk three paces forwards. To the astonishment of
the audience, the spider did as it was ordered.
'Now take three paces backwards,' commanded the professor. Again,
the spider obeyed the command.
Then the professor pulled all the legs off the spider, put it back
on the table and said; 'Walk forward three paces.' The spider did
not move. 'Walk forward three paces,' commanded the professor,
again. But still the spider did not move.
'You see,' said the professor, proudly, 'that proves that when you
pull its legs off, it can't hear.'
