TGFY

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She absolutely loved them but unfortunately, they always had a very embarrasing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparant that they would marry, she thought to herself - "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carry on!" So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating baked beans.

Some months later, on her way home from work, her car broke down. Since she lived a few miles out of town she telephoned her husband and told him she would be a little late as she was walking home. On her way she passed a small cafe and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could bear. Since she still had several miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the cafe and before she knew it she had consumed three huge portions of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure that she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly - "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to remove the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized her opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but smelled like a fertiliser truck running over a skunk outside a sewage works. She groped for her napkin, opened it out and fanned the air vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and let rip three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.

When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologising for taking so long, he asked her if she had peeped, and she assured him that she had not. At this point he removed the blindfold, AND WAS SHE SURPRISED!!!!!!

There were twelve dinner guests sitting round the table to wish her happy birthday!