A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a
young woman with three small children running around her.
He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed,
he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said
no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she
certainly knew of that product.
When asked if she used it, she answered, "Yes, we use it when we have
sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask
that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they
use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other
purpose. But I know that most people really use it for sexual intercourse,
they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell
me exactly how you use it?"
"We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."
After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was enough, as
they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and
told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more chiildren.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would
fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go
home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up
to his ear and count to 10. The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be
the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a
beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the
can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he
paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting
on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Birmingham, Burnley and anywhere in Wales:)
